Going on 30 . . .

I am going to be 30 this year.

Yeah.

Ouch.

I don't know why, but this seems worse to me than turning 40.

When I turn 40, I picture my life a lot more stable than it is now and like I've had, oh, ten years to settle in a bit.  30 is like, ok, you're a 'real' adult now.  Are you ready yet?  Did you have fun in your twenties?  I hope so, because now they're gone.

This is absolutely ridiculous thinking because I have been a mom since I was 22.  Been married since I was 22.  Moved all over the world and the US for the last 8 years, so I've had lots of growing experiences and things to broaden my mindset.  I have always been kind of an old soul, never really into partying, or going out, or whatever.  I like my time to myself, but I do enjoy spending time with close friends or people that make my heart happy. I know that sounds silly and sappy, but it's true.  So, I already act kind of old, so 30 shouldn't be a big deal.

Why does it feel so weird then?

I am very happy with where my life is at this point.

We are done, D O N E, having kids and it is so nice to have that feeling of completeness with our little family.  I have so many friends that are just starting their families, and that's not a bad thing, I am just super  happy to be done and moving on to the more independent stages of having  a 7 and almost 3 year old(my sweet boy will be 3 on Tuesday-look for a post on that coming soon!).

We own a house (maybe soon to be two) and have been paying our bills steadily since we've been married.  We've paid off the subaru and Adam's motorcycle(which he just sold-huge growing up step for us because it was a necessary thing to do, I promise I wasn't just being mean.) and we just paid off our credit card(the only one we had) and we don't ever plan to use it again.  We are getting to a good spot financially, even though we do want total freedom at some point, for now we are ahead of the game.

I could list more things that supposedly make us into adults, but the point is, I have been acting older than my age for some time now, so why is it hitting me so hard that I will be 30?

I know a lot of people that still act like teenagers in their 30s-not always a good thing, and I've never really acted like that, nor do I have a desire to.

I guess it's just really strange to me that I am where I thought it would take for-ev-eeeeeeeer(picture the line from the Sandlot when you read that) to get to as a kid.  Married, with kids, a house, a couple cars, a couple cats, a fish . . .

Like, we are really doing this.  This is my life.  I am a parent.  I am a wife.  I am getting old.

Woah.

Ok, now with all of that being said, I still feel so young.  I have SO much life to live and I have so many great plans and dreams still ahead of me.  I don't want this to be such a downer post, so I do want to make it clear that I know this is not the end of fun.  In fact, I truly think it's only the  beginning.

I am elated to have our two incredible kids and to be where we are at in life and have so much to still look forward to.  We've made it almost 9 years together and I'm not sick of the hubby yet, so I guess that's good. ;)

It just feels really weird to be here.

I am very thankful for every single day of my last 29 years and I SO look forward to the next 29.

I'm surprised at how quickly I seemed to get here and I hope time seems to slow down a little from now on.

How do/did you feel about turning 30???  I'd love to hear if you feel/felt as strange as me!

Cancer Awareness Selfies

Have you seen all of your friends posting their no make-up selfies lately?

I sure have and I've been torn as to whether or not I should participate.  Not for the reasons you would think though.

I do think the point that is trying to be made is good.  Women should believe they are beautiful from the inside out, so posting a photo to a public forum without make-up can be a daunting task for some.  I've never  had a problem not wearing make-up in public, so that's not the issue for me.  I also believe that the Dove campaign is on the right track with their message regarding this matter.  So, if my friends were posting their no make-up selfies for something more along those lines, I may have jumped right in.  However, posting them for cancer awareness?  I just didn't feel right about it and then I read an article that shed some light on where my feelings may have been coming from.

Read this article and you'll see why I thought twice about posting a selfie of my own.

Considering I found out a dear friend has been struggling with just such an issue for the past few months, I would feel like a huge jerk posting a picture of my healthy self, make-up or not, for cancer awareness.

The ones going through it are very aware.  They are acutely aware.  They are painfully aware.

They have been there, watching themselves waste away and turn into something that betrays what they are on the inside, and I know they have days where even that is questionable.

Can you imagine going through something in your life where you would need every ounce of strength and determination you could muster, but all of that being wiped away in the first instant your hair starts to fall out?  When your sunken eyes tell the world just how ill you are?  When, despite your brave smile, we can all see how physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted you are?

Thankfully, I can only imagine and I would never wish that on anyone.

So, I will not be participating in the cancer awareness selfies.

Unless I am going to shave my head and use make-up to make myself look worse off than those actually suffering, no thanks, I'll pass.

Please don't get me wrong though.  I do think the underlying message is a good one, but if I ever post anything like that, it will be along the lines of the Dove campaign and not for cancer.

So, please keep praying for everyone that is, has, or will ever suffer, and find a better, more respectful way to show your support.

And to my dear, dear friend:

You are a survivor.

You will get through this.

You have a tenacity that nothing can take away.

You will always be beautiful to me.

I love you.

Helping out my cousin . . .

Please think about making a donation, but we are also always accepting prayers. :)

http://www.gofundme.com/7vyd18

In response to the blog about posting things online about your kids . . .

I know everyone has probably read it already, and I'm not even going to promote it here by posting a link, but there was a woman that wrote a blog post/article about posting things online about your kids.  Or rather, her lack of posting.  She was saying that when she started having kids, her husband and herself did tons of research and put a lot of thought into it and decided to never post anything about their kids online, EVER.

She goes on to say that it will greatly harm them later in life and that we are stealing their innocence or something . . .

Anyway, it ticked me off.

Does she honestly think that I don't think about my kids each time I post something and  how it could affect them in the future?  Does she not understand the agonizing that goes on before I share photos and anecdotes with people?  Does she really think that every single one of us posting things about our kids is mindless and careless and setting our children up for a terrible, childhood robbed adulthood?

I think not.

Absolutely not.

I really do think hard every time I post something about my kids.  Hence why I have not shared the poop pictures that would entail a medically accurate photo of my child's private parts.  It's why I second guess myself each time I post pictures in the summer when my children are half naked.  It's why I keep them within arms reach of me at all times in public places for fear of some jerk trying to grab them.

Good grief!  When will this constant attack on other parents end?  We have so much pressure on us to be perfect(see my previous post on that here) that I feel we are being robbed of just living.  Our children are being robbed of a childhood because we are always so worried about offending someone else or screwing them up in some form.  It's exhausting.

Here is what I think.

I am going to let my children play half naked in the summer and take pictures and share those picture on public forums because it's more important to me that that memory is preserved and shared with the people I love that can't be close in proximity to us, than it is to provide a purely anonymous future for my children.

I want to prepare my kids for this world that we now live in. They need to be educated about the dangers that await them out there in the real world.  I don't want to shelter them and protect them to the point that they cannot stand on their own two feet or they become ignorant because I didn't allow anything to happen to them.  What does Dory say in Finding Nemo?  "If you never let anything happen to him, then nothing would ever happen to him, and that's not much fun for little Harpo."  Something along those lines anyway.

The bottom line is this.  I will not let some woman with a stranger-danger complex make me feel bad about sharing the joy I have with my children with my friends and family online.  Why should I keep that to myself?  These children are such a blessing to me and it would be selfish to lock them up away from the world and waste the impact they are already having on it.

I do want the best for my kids and it's human nature to want to protect them, but there is a line.

I will PREPARE my kids to the best of my ability for what this world has for them, but I will not PROTECT them from it.  There is a huge difference.

I would love to hear your thoughts on the subject as well.

And here are a couple precious shots of my blessings for good measure.

He loves to slide!

My climber girl!

Awesome cardboard carriage, right?

What am I trying to prove and to whom?

Do you ever have those days where you just feel like you are failing from the moment your feet hit the floor?  Yeah, I've had a few of those this year.  But, I've also really tried to reflect on where those feelings are coming from.  Why do I feel like that?  Where are those thoughts originating?

That is when I began to realize that it was all in my head.  As long as I truly wasn't letting society, or that mom with the perfect blog/life influence me, I am my own worst enemy.  I am the only reason that I ever feel that way.

~sigh~

Seriously?  That is the conclusion I have come to and I'm right.  Who cares what other people think?  Who cares if my floor is dirty, if I have laundry stacked a mile high needing to be put away, if dinners have been mediocre?

My kids don't care.  My husband has never been anything but grateful for everything I do.  Life goes on and we love each other and we are happy.  So why do I allow myself to get bogged down with these thoughts?

I am human and a female.

That is why.  It is definitely something I am working on and when I do have those moments of clarity where I realize that my kids are well-adjusted, happy, and know they are loved, when my husband has a full belly and clean sheets, and we have a safe home to sleep in every night, it's like a  burden is lifted off of my shoulders.  The air seems lighter and I am truly happy and content.

I have actually enjoyed some of the horrendous messes that my kids have made lately because someday soon, they won't be little to make those messes and I will miss these days like crazy.  I want to honestly soak every moment up while I can.

I wish I would remember to take pictures of the epic child tornado disasters though.  Oh man . . . like the time Nate was unattended for all of two minutes and he "Color piture mommy!" in permanent marker all over the bathtub in my bathroom . . .or when Bella decided to draw the solar system on our wall(brilliant, but we do no draw on walls, ever).

I do have a few pictures of some of their blunders though.  So, by all means, enjoy.  :)

Who doesn't love stickers?

She said she wanted it to snow in her room . . . well, it did.

 She accidentally swallowed a quarter on xmas eve, and I was less than 5 feet away from her.

She decided to draw on herself.

When he is left unattended in his room . . .that is his German changing table.

You should thank me for refraining from posting poop pictures . . . oy vey.

Cheers to being content with imperfection and finding joy in the daily blunders!!!

Plans change . . .

So, I've noticed that as hard as I try, sometimes, plans change.

It can be very frustrating, but also very liberating.

What I mean is that, sometimes we need to learn to let go of this elusive image of perfection that we have built up, so that when we do miss a deadline, or have to rearrange our schedule to make things happen, we don't beat ourselves up about it.

I am notorious for beating myself up about things.  I will dwell on things and my thoughts go crazy and I drive myself nuts.  I don't know what's wrong with me.  Logically I know that worrying is such a useless waste of time, but sometimes the human in me takes over and my brain goes to a place that isn't always good.

So, I started that 90 plan, remember?

Then I got sick.  I mean like, really sick.  Like more ill than I can ever remember being.

Plans changed.

I had to take a timeout to let myself physically catch up.  It was really hard allowing myself to rest and to just enjoy that down time that I had to take.  I am thankful for it now, because life got busy as I got better and I needed all the resilience I could muster, but at the time, it was hard to just breathe and just 'be'.

So, now that I am well, and I'm finishing up a huge push with my business and this previous term of school is out, I have resumed my working out.  Yay!  It feels so good to be back at it and I cannot wait to see the transformation that takes place over the next few weeks.

I am so thankful for Bountiful Baskets because it makes it so easy to eat healthy on a budget.  And for my It Works products because they also allow me to get to a whole other level of healthiness(is that a word?) and I get to help others in the process of helping myself.

So, since my plans have changed, and will probably change again, if you want to jump on board with me now, please do!  Accountability is the biggest reason people are able to stick with things, so if you need a partner in crime, hit me up. :)

90 Day Challenge

I know it's cliche', but I really wanted to start out the year with some renewed motivation in many areas of my life.  One of those areas is in the area of my health.  While I have never been a large person(I have good genetics to thank for that), I have not always been in great shape, and now is one of those times.  I am tired of being flabby.  I am tired of being tired.  I want to look and feel better and I want to be stronger.

So, I am embarking on a 90 day challenge.  You can join me and I would love it if you did.  We can keep each other accountable and encourage and motivate each other too.  If you want to be a part of it, please send me your email and I will get the details to you asap.

It's a way for me to have a plan, a schedule, and to know what to expect and what my goals are.  So far, as it's day 3, I am really enjoying it.

I'm also doing a 30 day yoga challenge to help stretch my sore muscles and help myself to wind down after busy days.

So those challenges take care of my physical self, but what about the other parts?

That's where my bible challenge, 21 day fast with my church, and personal goals with my husband and children some in.  I want to be a better person with my whole self this year, and I have to include my spiritual side to be completely successful.  And if I'm being honest, who doesn't need more God in their lives?

I also started school back up on Monday(I will have my degree in September!!!), and I joined a new quilting group, in addition to the quilting Bee I'm already a part of.  I want to learn new things and keep my creative side going too.

As you can see, I have a lot on my plate, but it's so much fun and I'm already growing more as a person than I ever have before.  This is going to be a fantastic year.  As long as I manage my time well, I know I will be successful in all of my endeavors this year.

All of these things are also helping me with the daily tasks I have going for my business too.  You can check that out here.

So, I hope to motivate you to challenge yourself to be the best you can be this year, and please come along with me if you so choose!

Happy 2014!!!

Below is a compilation of writing out my fears and insecurities and then burning them and cleansing my soul of any negativity.  I will no longer be the one to hold myself back.  I'm all in this year!